Chapter 6: Ab tak 56

There are two types of people in the world, one who are normal and one who are not normal. Unfortunately with Ketan this rule has an exception. There is no definite cure for him. In the middle of a new year party, when the whole world is busy celebrating, who, in his right mind, discuss about breast cancer with a person who is so reserve that she refuses to open her mouth with guys in the room? Well...Ketan.

'But I really thought she had...' Ketan said for the hundredth time.
'Ok, for the last time, big breast does NOT mean she has breast cancer, in fact, why are you so bothered about her anyways?' I ask controlling my anger, 'Jatinder does not even talk to you.'
'But...'
'Haa... killed you,' Sunny shouted in between, not concerned with the discussion.
'Oh no, you didn't,' I shouted as I reloaded my Bazooka. We were busy playing computer game on multiplayer mode.

It was new year, the year 2010, the black snake of recession was finally over and a new ray of hope was seen at a distance.

Me and Sunny had made the truce, infact we had too, as Shaitania was too angry with us over upsetting her Jintender that she kicked the three of us out of her house and he shamelessly slept at my place.

I met Ketan in Pune local as I travelled to Pune in a local train, he was selling incense sticks in the compartment. He was a good salesman, for he sold five packets to me, and I still have no idea why I purchased them.

Then, I kept spotting him everyday and he brought new items in the compartment. Train travel of twenty minutes per day was not a healthy option, so I decided to shift to Pune city. The rates in houses where too high, but Ketan offered to share the rent in half and I readily agreed.

Thus, we came by to live together under one roof, although his room is separate, he brought his computer, xbox, music system and many interesting items and we adjusted them in the living room. Seriously, I wonder what he does for living?

'So you love my baby sister, eh,' I asked killing his terrorist.
'Damm you, Khoon ka badla Khoon,' he replied, 'Yes. I hope its not a problem.'

'I seriously thought she had...' Ketan said.

We both gazed at him forgetting that we are face to face on the screen.

'How do you do this eh?' I asked, 'How do you manage to get a girlfriend? What do you say?'

'Yes yes,' Ketan came forward as a hungry dog, 'I also want to know..'

We both gazed at him for a while, again he was quiet. And then, Sunny explained.

'Impressing a girl is just like playing this computer game...

Step 1: Choose the right weapon for the job.
I liked Priya since we were in college, when she was in our class, she was Tania's best friend. Now she worked in my office. Taking Sunny's tip I decided to talk to her.

LET THE GAME BEGIN.

I woke up early in the morning, did a close shave. Man, I do look like a gunda. Ketan was sitting in the bathroom,

'What are you doing there for last two hours?' I shouted.
The answer surprised me, 'Bathing...'
'You never bath in the morning,' I replied knocking on the door.
'I am today, you go..'
'I want to take a bath,' I replied.
'Oh, ok... give me ten minutes...'

After an hour...

'Will you come out,' I shouted.
He opened the door and to my surprise, I found a very different man. I was sure his skin tone was lighter today.
'Whats going on?' I asked.
'Nothing,' he replied walking in his room.

Step 2: Locate your enemy. Build a strategy.
Priya was sitting in the canteen having breakfast as usual. I approached her with caution.
'Hey Priya,' I smiled, 'Can I join you.'
'Woah, sure Mr. Bigshot,' she smiled back, 'Good morning.'

Shani Tip: Always be confident, don't fiddle here and there.

'Good morning,' I returned her wishes and suddenly all my weapons backfired. No word came out of my mouth...'I...I...'

'Dude, are you alright?' Priya asked.

'Warning, Warning... Loosing height, plane crashing' the man shouted in the video game.

'Dude,' she asked again, 'I got work to do, ciya around...'

YOU LOST THE MATCH. ENEMY 1. YOU. LOSER.

As I was walking home back that evening, I realized Ketan running on the street,

'Ketan,' I called out.
He looked at me but did not wait, he kept running into the next gali.

Just after him a girl was running with sandals in her hand, I realized he must have said something to her. Immediately after the girl a mob followed and I realized he had done something really nasty.

A few distance away a dog was sniffing the tail of a female dog. Sigh, every dog has its day. Mine was not today, little did I know universe was also watching me.

I slowly walked to my house... not knowing what was heading my way.

Chapter 5: Man is a social animal, woman is the king of pride.

In life there are few people you meet, some people you do not meet. Some people you meet and wish you never meet them again and then there are some people you meet, and wish you never meet them again and yet you meet them again and again and again. And then there are those who are biologically your relatives and you pray they never met you.

Chapter 4: If you can’t fight them, don’t poke them.

At the beginning of the universe, God was happy, He created all the excellent things like rivers, mountains, trees and then he created man. While admiring the creation he realized that everything is normal and he said, 'What the hell!' and put pain in the box.

That is a true story on how pain spread in the world. At least I think it is true, at least at the moment when the critical agony is spreading through the body, I can believe in anything.

Chapter 3: The Kacchi Dabeli

Remember Shahrukh had once said, ‘Kisi cheez ko pure dil se chaho, toh pure kayanat tumhe use milane mein joot jati hai’ which means, ‘If you like something from the bottom of the heart, then the whole universe will plot for you to get that thing to you.’ I believe that this is not actually true, sometimes you think about something and the universe is bringing you a complete different object, and the worst part is… the object hits you so hard that by the time you adjust with the realization you have to rub the painful, red sore face.

Chapter 2: Happy unmarried?? well… almost.

When you are single, living alone and a woman in India, every passing day becomes a living nightmare for you. Every single man you bring in your house is a prospective ‘damad’ for your parents and every time you have to go to a friends marriage comes a great question, are you going to be the single lady who is going to be paroled by the Aunties who have been appointed to do the task of holy matrimony that the marriage sites or the great friend who attends all the marriages with someone. Darn life.

Chapter 1: And so begins the story…

Life is shrouded with mysteries, what exactly is Bermuda triangle? Who build the Easter island? Did Neil Armstrong ever land on moon? Who was the brave head who took the leak on the moon? Who wiped out the dinosaurs? Why the hell am I sitting with a cup of coffee on my desk on a pleasant Sunday morning, while the person who told me to be here is someone enjoying the Sunday morning cuddling with his wife?